Suddenly my world was not as I had ordered it. Things got tough; then got tougher. The pain of brokenness had set in and the battle was on. Where was God? I knew He was there. I wanted to believe all that I'd ever been taught. "Oh yea of little faith!" The revelation; the unveiling of "Him Who Is Greater", was about to begin.
My children and I climbed in the van to run some errands. It was morning, which was a somewhat unusual time for us to be in the car. We had taken to listening to Moody Radio because we enjoyed the older praise music and hymns they played, over the louder, more current Christian music. So I turned on the radio and settled in for a 35 minute drive. For the first 5 minutes I stared at the road and listened to the transition from one program to another. The kids were quiet; each attentive to some gee-gaw they had brought in the car.
The announcement for the next program came on. I wasn't paying that much attention. The preacher's name was given--hadn't heard of him. But then they said the name of the sermon: "Trusting God in the Midst of Crisis". I mumbled under my breath...something to the effect of "yea...sure." But God had my attention and for the next 30 minutes, I listen to James MacDonald of Walk in the Word, remind me who God really is. The tears began to fall and at one point I remember asking my 9yo son, "Are you listening to this?" He answered that he was.
We pulled into our destination. It just so happened that we had driven this far to find a Lifeway store so as to purchase a Beth Moore Bible Study book. (I'll tell you more about that later!) We sat in the parking lot, listening to the last couple of minutes of the program. Still crying, my son says to me, "Mama? How does that man know us?" I told him, "He doesn't know us, but God does and He wants us to trust Him. Do you think we can trust Him?" And my son, with tears in his little eyes said, "Yes!"
Yes! We can trust Him. "Him" who is able to do exceeding and abundantly beyond anything we can imagine. "Him" who sent His son to die for us. "Him" who put us here in the first place. "Him" who promises to never leave us...that "Him". Then we really knew we'd be okay.
Not one to let a good resource slip past me, when we got home, I got out my handy-dandy laptop and looked up this James MacDonald fella. That was when I found out that the message I had heard was the culmination of a series of messages entitled, "Always True: 5 Great and Precious Promises of God". I listened to the whole series, over and over. I cannot tell you how much it helped me to focus on who God is, rather than my own hurt! This was the beginning of really understanding that the key to my mess was glorifying God.
I'm not sure of all the answers to all the questions, but I know that I always believed that was precisely what I was doing--glorifying God. I was a believer from childhood and had all the Bible knowledge and experience to believe all the right things. I truly thought God was the most important thing in my life! But, when God begins to show you who He really is, coupled with who YOU really are!...a glory thief...the results can be somewhat distasteful. Add to that, suffering the consequences of seeking your own way and you get a muddy pile of clay at the bottom of a mud hole pit.
Enter the potter.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Him Who Is Greater
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
What I've Been Up To While Away From Blogging
Surprise! I'm still alive. You know...what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger?! It's a fact, for God is faithful beyond anything that we can even imagine.
Without going into a lot of detail, the past months have been painful, trying, painful, slow, fast, full. That about covers it!
I've read some REALLY good books that have impacted me tremendously; and I'll share those with you soon.
I've discovered SO much about myself as a child of the King of Glory. You'll probably get to hear about that too!
I've learned some truths about said King that have rocked my world! Oh! He's much bigger than you may be thinking. Creator, Savior? That's nothing compared to who He is in all His majesty!
I've also cried a hundred, million tears...each of which are safely in the hands of the Lord.
I know you're curious. I would be. It's very hard to share personal traumas that are so private, so that is why I've been "away". I've received your many notes though! I know many of you have been praying for my family. I am so grateful! We are the body of Christ and even out here in La-La-Land, we can take care of one another.
If I have any readers left out there, I appreciate your sticking "close" and checking back even after all this time. I feel like I've turned a corner in my journey and I'm eager to share the wonderful good news that has been revealed to me of God's faithfulness. He is so AMAZING! Amazing, amazing God!
My journey, and that of my family, is far from over. I wish I could report that it was, but I can unequivocally say that no journey worth taking--no road ever followed (regardless of whether or not you would have preferred to just "stay home")--ever truly comes to an end this side of eternity. So on we march!
His mercies TRULY are NEW EVERY single morning! Great is His faithfulness.
At this moment, I'm listening to birds and mowers, while a cool breeze drifts in my bedroom windows. My children are singing and dancing to praise music downstairs--LOUD praise music! We're expecting a bit of pool time later. School stuff is overflowing my brain. School stuff is ALWAYS overflowing my brain! There's just so much to do! :)
Friday, April 10, 2009
Come Lift Up Your Sorrows
If you are wounded
And if you're alone
If you are angry
If you're heart is cold as stone
If you have fallen
And if you are weak
Then come find the worth of God
That only the suffering seek.
Come lift up your sorrows
And offer your pain
Come make a sacrifice
of all your shame
There in your wilderness
He's waiting for you
To worship Him with your wounds
for He's wounded too.
He has not stuttered
and He has not lied.
When He says come unto me
you're not disqualified
When you're heavy laden
You may want to depart
But those who know sorrow
They're closest to his heart
Come lift up your sorrows
And offer your pain
Come make a sacrifice
of all your shame
There in your wilderness
He's waiting for you
To worship Him with your wounds
for He's wounded too.
In this most holy place
He's made a sacred space
For those who will enter in
and trust to cry out to him
And you'll find no curtain there
No reason left for fear
There's perfect freedom here
To weep every unwept tear.
Come lift up your sorrows
And offer your pain
Come make a sacrifice
of all your shame
There in your wilderness
He's waiting for you
To worship Him with your wounds
for He's wounded too.
from "The Hidden Face of God" album
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Fear Not, Much-Afraid

The shepherd answered Much-Afraid: "Fear not, Much-Afraid, only believe. I promise that you shall not be put to shame. Go with [these companions] Sorrow and Suffering, and if you cannot welcome them now, when you come to the difficult places where you cannot manage alone, put your hands in theirs confidently and they will take you exactly where I want you to go."
Much-Afraid stood quite still, looking up into his face, which now had such a happy exultant look, the look of one who above all things else delights in saving and delivering. In her heart the words of a hymn, written by another of the Shepherd's followers, began to run through her mind and she started to sing softly and sweetly:
Sweet are thy messengers sweet their refrain.
If they but work in me, more love, O Christ, to thee,
More love to thee, more love to thee.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Purposeful & Deliberate
I was talking with the husband one day and he used the term "purposeful & deliberate". Though he was speaking about a specific use of time, suddenly those words were seared in my brain and I began to think about them. I began to think about my time, my days, my life, my family, and to wonder if the Lord could say to me that I was "purposeful and deliberate" in all that I do. Knowing, indeed, what the answer would be, it has haunted me ever since and is something that, no doubt, requires my attention.
I thought I'd look up the words in the Webster's 1828 (full of it's rich, Biblical definitions) to get a more clear understanding of them, and then determine in what manner I should be purposeful and deliberate. Let me add that these terms remind me of faithfulness and righteousness, yet those things seem so much about holiness that they seem to be something to achieve rather than the means of getting there. (Added emphasis is mine.)
End in view...intention, design, resolve, determine, accomplish...weighty stuff for this little 'ole brain!Purpose PUR'POSE, n.1. That which a person sets before himself as an object to be reached or accomplished; the end or aim to which the view is directed in any plan, measure or exertion. We believe the Supreme Being created intelligent beings for some benevolent and glorious purpose, and if so, how glorious and benevolent must be his purpose in the plan of redemption! The ambition of men is generally directed to one of two purposes, or to both; the acquisition of wealth or of power. We build houses for the purpose of shelter; we labor for the purpose of subsistence.
2. Intention; design. This sense, however, is hardly to be distinguished from the former; as purpose always includes the end in view.
Every purpose is established by counsel. Prov 20.
Being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will. Eph 1.
Of purpose, on purpose, with previous design; with the mind directed to that object. On purpose is more generally used, but the true phrase is of purpose.
PUR'POSE,v.t. To intend; to design; to resolve; to determine on some end or object to be accomplished.I have purposed it, I will also do it. Isa 46. Eph 3.
Decision, consideration, choice, slow...but I decide everyday! Yet often without consideration. Without being slow. Without being deliberate.Deliberate DELIBERATE, v.i. [L. To weigh.]To weigh in the mind; to consider and examine the reasons for and against a measure; to estimate the weight or force of arguments, or the probable consequences of a measure, in order to a choice or decision; to pause and consider. A wise prince will deliberate before he wages war.
DELIBERATE, v.t. To balance in the mind; to weigh; to consider.
DELIBERATE, a.
1. Weighing facts and arguments with a view to a choice or decision; carefully considering the probable consequences of a step; circumspect; slow in determining; applies to persons; as a deliberate judge or counselor.
2. Formed with deliberation; well advised or considered; not sudden or rash; as a deliberate opinion; a deliberate measure, or result.
3. Slow; as a deliberate death or echo.
From the time my children were born I've taught them about consequences, yet it may very well be a lesson that I am only now learning myself. I believe that I should and can be more purposeful and deliberate in all that I do. No more just getting through it; but careful deliberation and decision, looking to the end objective for the purpose.
My family. Our spiritual life. Our home. Our schooling. How we spend each moment of our time together. What really matters?? When it's all said and done, what will matter? How should we live?
Monday, March 23, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Planning for Holy Week
According to recent homeschool buzz, it's that time of year. That end of year panic and frenzy to accomplish something. I've stared aghast at my calendar for a couple of weeks as I've begun to consider where we are and what we need to do.Saturday, March 07, 2009
God is in the Details
God is in the details. All the little seemingly unimportant details. Those believed to be meaningless, steps along the way. And I have found, that as I remember daily where my hope and confidence truly lies, those details become teachable moments. What was once just a stop along the way, becomes the catalyst which guides me to better understanding. It is the song that was written just for me.
Life is a long journey where every day builds upon the ones before. I do not treat today, as I did any day before. I count it, like He counts it. And I surrender. It is in the surrender, that there is peace. It is in the laying down that we are at home, for anything else is just an illusion; a trap of the enemy to give false confidence and false triumph.
If I do not trust in Him who is most able to sustain me--if I believe I know what tomorrow will bring--I can count it as lost. I must remember who designs my days and for what purpose. Temporal, or eternal. I must remember!
When I rest in who I am, instead of whom I belong to, I cheat myself. Though memories and experiences often chart my path, they don't lay my path. He lays my path and it is much narrower than I've ever supposed. It must fill me up. There must not be room for anything else. Everything else is dust in the wind; chaff that is found wanting.
If my heart lingers for a moment on myself, my self will shine in place of Him who draws me up and sets me on my way. The guessing, the contemplating, the striving for understanding...they mean so little to me now. What matters is the next moment He has for me.
Those that will look honestly and deeply, will know. Those that cannot see, will not see. May those I love, see. May they know what I know, and better. May they hold fast.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.Children will follow. They will listen. Whether what I speak is lovely, or wretched. The path is narrow, but God is in the details. May I be worthy enough for them to hear. My feelings and emotions deceive, cause pain, and regret. They also give the greatest joy because He made them to. The desires. The heart. He made them to glorify Him. Yes. My heart is wicked. Yes. My heart belongs to You, Lord. Do with it what You will. Create in me a clean heart.
(Php 4:8)
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.Once I was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see. His grace is sufficient for me; for even me. The Lord is my strength and my song.
(Psa 51:10)
"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation."I'm ready to go. I want to go home.
(Isa 12:2)
Outside the cafe
Ice on the windshield
Stars in a black sea
On a winter road
Flurries of snow
I'm ready to go
Past farmhouse and pasture
Our voices together
Rise to the drumming
Of big-rigs and trailers
Long hours to daylight
A rumbling bus
Our bed and our board
Remember the traveler
Bring us safely home
Heavenly Father
Remember the traveler
Bring us safely home
Safely home
I long for my family
And friends to remind me
Of where I have been
And where I am going
And where I come from
Heavenly Father
Remember the traveler
Bring us safely home
Heavenly Father
Remember the traveler
Bring us safely home
Safely home
(Fernando Ortega)
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Hanging Out in Colorado
One of the many joys of homeschooling is the ability to drop everything and head cross-country. Spontaneity is a great thing, for some, and for us it has often been a blessing. So the reason I was so quiet last week was because much of it was spent driving 1136 miles from Indiana to Colorado. My cousin lives here and has welcomed me and the kids into her castle for a couple of weeks. I say "castle" because it's a tudor style home that my sweet girl is convinced is really a castle! Son is quite thrilled to stay in the "dungeon" and we're all pretty happy that they happen to live on a buffalo preserve. Those suckers seem to be a bit camera shy, though, and all we've been able to see up close is poop. Of course, there are also the antics of the prairie dogs, which are prolific and active all times of the day. Getting their picture, though, has also been difficult without a big ole zoom lense.
We've been attempting to maintain somewhat of a regular school time, but the spring-like weather and the general splendor of Colorado has pulled us to other activities. Sadly, however, husband is not with us this trip. Other demands, you know. That makes choosing our adventures a bit less fun.
Traveling for more than a few days does bring it's own set of issues. Overdue library books that I've renewed 47 times are suddenly non-renewable--grrrr! And then there is the dry climate here that has my children believing something's wrong with their noses! :) Then there is the Wii! Oh my stars! I can barely peel my children from it. If they only knew the joys of playing Pong on the old Atari I had when little! Our cousins have a theater room in their "castle" and so if you add the Wii to the large screen with the amazing sound system...and the reclining leather chairs...it's just all pretty crazy. Very hard to compete. Son did ask me this morning if he "could play Wii after he read Bible for awhile??!!" Hilarious.
I'm trying to plan some of our week and trying to make the most of our time. I'll try to post more often while we're here, but I might be Wii racing instead!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
What We Do, Part 4: Bible
I hope you are enjoying my telling of what we do each day. So far I've shared our singing of hymns and prayer time; how and what we memorize. It might interest you to know that this just completes our first half hour of the morning, and now it's time to open our Bibles!
Bible is the foundation for everything we do. With the advent of Charlotte coming to stay, we've gone through a learning process that has taken us from complicated, to simple. I've written about our Principle Approach to studying much over the years, and I'm really seeing how it has prepared us for this (Charlotte Mason) progression in our learning. While we learned so much with our Judah Bible Curriculum, our emphasis was changing and we are now finding it a true pleasure to just read the Word of God!
Concentrating our efforts on reading scripture has given us a fresh passion for God's story. We chose to read through the gospels first and are using Penny Gardner's lists that you can find here and here. Son and I take turns reading and it really is a great chance for me to hear him read aloud. We are enjoying the fact that the short lessons that Charlotte prescribed, suit us well at this time. They allow us time to discuss what we've read, and lend themselves nicely to have five year old daughter join us. She is learning to narrate and son is loving sharing his own bits of learning with her.
I have to mention that a side benefit of reading the Bible has been our children's increased vocabulary. Well, any reading of real books will do this, but it's amazing to me how a spelling quiz will show no trouble with words like "righteousness", "blessed", or "trial", while "exception" or even "dilemma" bug the tar out of my boy!
One conundrum that I've faced with the decision to go this direction, is what to do with other Bible resources we have and love. For instance our "Child's Story Bible", by Catherine Vos. I love this book! We used it and our Bible for awhile, but there was so much repetition that it got monotonous. Charlotte does not hold to repeating readings, and preferred the actual text, to watered down versions. So while Vos's book is the best of the story Bibles, the Bible is the Bible!
This brings me to another bit that I haven't mentioned for awhile: Translations and simplified texts. We have chosen to use the English Standard Version for our own personal reasons, but with that decision came the effort that we would all use it together. We also chose to put son in a "full", and not "children's" version as soon as he was solidly reading. This was around age 7. It helped that they came out with a Children's ESV that was full text but included pictures! With memorizing, studying meanings of the words God used, etc., we just didn't see it making much sense to use a kiddie version.
Recently we began attending a new church and 5yo daughter's first handout in Sunday School was the Lord's Prayer--in baby talk. No kidding! She has been in the process of learning the true Lord's Prayer and I found it frustrating that they would use baby talk in place of the beautiful words of Jesus! Is it any easier, or hold any value, to teach a child a watered down prayer that's not in the Bible, than to teach what Jesus truly taught? I think not! Enough said.
Lastly, I'll add that "just" reading the Bible is what we feel the Lord wants for us at this time. We've set aside the notebooking and the excessive planning and are concentrating on listening to God and seeing what He has to reveal to us. This was not an easy step for me (the Planner!), but we have been really blessed by it! AND. Bible is solidly the Word of God and not a "subject" that requires a programmed response.
Read about the other things we do:
Part 1: Hymn Study
Part 2: Prayer
Part 3: Memorization
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
What We Do, Part 3: Memorization
For that is what I'd truly like to beeeeeeee.
For if I was an Oscar Mayer weinerrrrrrr.
Then everyone would be so proud of meeeeee.
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion, on a sesame seed bun.
Listen my children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere...
To be, or not to be. That is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind....
I pledge allegiance to the flag, of the United States of America...
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.
You get the picture.
Memorization.
Every stored up bit of life becomes a part of who we are. We draw from what we know whenever the fancy strikes us. With hymns and scripture, we draw comfort and inspiration. With literature and history we gain purpose and understanding; and we wax philosophical. With music and stories, we find passion and joy. The benefits of memorization have been studied and documented and a child who memorizes will always excel in communication (as well as everything else!).
I've talked about memorization now and then, so there's not much new to add. I'll just tell you this: I'm more amazed every day at the number of beautiful things there are to memorize! I can't help but think about that saying, "Garbage in, garbage out!" It applies to so many things, but memorization takes the cake. My own brain is a plethora of pop songs and old jingles. Being a "no tv" family, causes me some amusement as I remember the glory days of "I'm a pepper, he's a pepper; Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too!" Not really what I want to be remembered for knowing, yet it's in there...forEVER! :)
Now my mother was a different story, she died nine years ago and I inherited her many photo albums. Upon taking them apart to reorganize them and make sure they were protected, I made a little discovery. My mother wrote lines from poems and occasional folk song lyrics on the back of my baby pictures! At the time I thought that was so odd, but truly "who she was". Now I'm amazed at the treasury of thoughts that she passed on to me! Because she memorized.
You'll remember from previous posts that we've used Simply Charlotte Mason's Memory System for awhile, tweaking it and making it our own. I continue to mold it to fit our needs and throughout the week we drill and practice presenting. We work on them together, as a family. I've come to realize that when done alone, this hasn't been as effective. Together, it's personal!
We memorize all kinds of things. Scripture, poetry, speeches, bits of history (like the poem on the Statue of Liberty). We even memorize hymns, through our hymn study. Don't forget the value of ALL the things you choose to memorize! Then there was the War of 1812. This contribution by their dad, taught them all about the Battle of New Orleans. They sing it together and it is a hoot!
Don't underestimate the value of music in helping with memorization--even if you have to make it up. Though we haven't used any of the memory song CD's, we did find Schoolhouse Rock's Multiplication Rock particularly useful! There's also putting things to rhyme. We tried to memorize the Ten Commandments out of the Bible. We struggled for awhile until I found this:
Before no idol bend your knee.
Take not the name of God in vain;
Dare not the Sabbath day profane.
Give both your parents honor due;
Take heed that you no murder do.
Abstain from words and deeds unclean;
Steal not, though you be poor and mean.
Tell not a willful lie, nor love it,
What is your neighbor's do not covet.
Now we all have them memorized! Every day we come across something that we want to memorize. Whether it's hiding God's Words in our heart, or treasuring a favorite poem, we memorize. That's not likely to change. I relish the day my children turn to their own children and tell them "I know how to memorize the Ten Commandments!"
Read about the other things we do:
Part 1: Hymn Study
Part 2: Prayer
Wake Up Call
I am not a morning person, and neither are my children. We have gotten into a bad habit of taking our time to get up. As happens with most parent-induced habits, this Mama began to see the error of her ways, and changed her habit. I began getting up and was eager to start the mornings, however... My children didn't seem to get the same memo and were not cooperating with my new-found "glory in the morning". As a result, my husband heard this every morning:
"Children! Get up!"
"Are you up?"
"Get up!!"
"I TOLD YOU TO GET UP!"
"WHY AREN'T YOU UP?!"
Etc., Etc. It wasn't pretty and
Well, you can imagine their little brains, can't you? They didn't believe it. Oh, they played along for a few days, but yesterday--on a Monday, no less--it was time for the Mama to be tested. We knew it was coming and husband grinned at me as he walked out the door with no hope that the children would make it in time.
First daughter came scurrying down to eat, only to be sent back up to complete her chores. Then son raced down the stairs with less than a minute to go. One bite of oatmeal and the timer went off. I picked up both bowls and began rinsing them in the sink. The mayhem insued. "You don't care if we starve!" "You don't love us!" "IT"S NOT FAIR!!" I called their dad and they each got on the phone with him. All I could imagine was that my day was just ruined and that I may just get pushed beyond my limits with the attitudes. Daddy saved the day and held both children in check and you'll never guess?
What has been proven over and over? That children need and even crave boundaries. They need rules and order and they respond to them.So we had a very profitable day! Everyone buckled down and we had a wonderful lesson time. We only had a couple of murmers of hunger, then lunch brought relief. I decided to show my children the benefits of good attitudes and took them to the budget movie to see "The Tale of Desperaux." Great movie (You were right, Angel!).
This morning, there was leaping from all beds and a quickening of the feet! Breakfast was appreciatively eaten and our day of lessons has commenced. Think they got the message? It was a hard one even for this Mama to learn, but I'm relieved that my husband saw clearly the need for me to be uhhhh....put out of my misery! :)
Friday, February 13, 2009
The Quest for Primary Readers
Remember my book collection? Well, I didn't truly start that collection until after my first born was reading. I never looked for primer readers, or bought them. Now that my daughter is reading, I've been going through my books and other than Dr. Seuss, which I believe should be read aloud and not too often, I don't have much she can pick up and read.
One day while I was playing around in Google Books, I found this wonderful reader by Maud Summers, published in 1908. What a gem! It didn't hurt that it was also available as a free download.
Up till now we've used an old set of McGuffey Readers that my Mama bought many years ago. I love them and we'll keep using them and daughter's skills increase. On a lark I checked Google and what do you know! They are available as a free download too! Who-hoo! Here's the link for the primer.
I've kept looking though. One book is never enough! :) One of the great benefits of free downloadable books is the fact that you only have to print off what you want. I was able to print out the first few chapters, hole punch them and put them in a folder. She doesn't discriminate against a "printer" book, though I confess, It's been a slow growing love appreciation for me.
I visited with my good friend EEEEMommy yesterday, and she showed me her Emma Serl Language books. Lo and behold! The Intermediate book is available (but not the primary!). But it got me looking around and I discovered the Elson (of the Fun With Dick and Jane series) Primer Reader (free) too.
I don't want to fail to mention our Early Reader's Bible. Daughter is just starting to read it herself. Son read it and though I don't like children's Bible's for Bibles' sake, I can't think of anything better to read content wise.
I have a great aversion to twaddle. Some readers will be twaddly because of they're very nature. This too shall pass. As I experienced with my son, the beginner reader is just for a season and there's no looking back! So, I prefer the older publications. They are very appealing to me in my Charlotte Mason-y, living book, way of thinking! All the wonderful picture books and such are waiting for the next step!
I've created my own Google Library which you can find here. I've posted a link to it in my sidebar in case you want to check back and see what other goodies I've found! You'll probably be hearing more about my "finds". Can't seem to keep my mouth shut!
Sidenote for conspiracy theorists: The whole CPSIA thing where they just banned all children's books printed before 1985, is really Google in cahoots with the Democrats to control the provision of books. You wait! Soon they'll be charging for them and they'll be the only ones you can get them from. Just kidding! Maybe! :)





















